the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
