I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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