my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
