I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
