I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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