also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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