party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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