i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
