best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
