Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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