Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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