i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
