I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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