do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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