I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
