Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
