Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
