If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
