my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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