pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
