Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We have so much sex to catch up on
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
