i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
