How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
