How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
