Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Randomize
