I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
