yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
