Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Small penises have feelings too.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
