i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
