Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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