Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
