Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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