Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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