Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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