there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
