It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
