This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
