filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
