is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
