I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
