it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
