Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
