just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
