I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
