You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
