can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Houston, we have a blender
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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