Swine flu. Run for my life!
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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