Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You need a sexual gate keeper
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
