That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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