You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
