I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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