Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
